Stolen Peace
by anonymous moose
Summary: For just one moment, Shepard has everything he wants. He'll make it last as long as he can. Shepard/Tali.


"Shepard?"

He didn't open his eyes. He had been dozing, and he was enjoying it more than he probably should.

"Mm?"

"Is this..." Tali's voice was unsure. "Okay?"

"Is what okay?" He asked sleepily.

"Just... laying here." Tali stirred against his chest, her feet pressing against the top of his as she slid up to rest her helmet against his neck. "I haven't even taken off the suit."

"You'll get sick," he said dryly, already knowing her answer.

Her accented voice was thick with sly confidence. "It would be worth it."

Shepard wrapped his arms tighter around her shoulders. He couldn't feel her breath, or the warmth of her body past her suit and his officer's uniform, but he was still closer to her than he'd been with anyone in years.

"Work tomorrow," he said, making another excuse. "Want you at your best."

"That hasn't stopped you before," she said, voice lilting gently.

She was right. It hadn't.

Clearly he couldn't lie to her, so he opened his eyes to his dark cabin and her lightly glowing eyes behind the purplish glass of her mask. They were still on the couch; the damn bed was far too soft and nothing like what he had become accustomed to. Tali was staring at him, with what expression he couldn't determine since her face was obscured by the cloudy mask of her helmet and he couldn't exactly read the body language of someone who was laying on top of him.

"Truth?" He asked. She nodded slightly. "I like this. Just... this. Haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately. Haven't had a lot of time to relax. This is all I need right now."

She tilted her head just slightly and that was enough to let him know that whatever she said next would be either a joke or a question. Turned out to be both.

"What if I'm not satisfied with 'just this?'"

He allowed himself a small smile, thick lantern jaw clenching for a moment in anticipation.

"Then I'd do my best to satisfy you."

"Such a gentleman," she said, chuckling and shaking her head.

His right hand drifted up her back to the side of her helmet, feeling the purple cloth hood draped over it beneath his fingers. An old family thing, she had told him, something all the Zorah family wore. Whether she meant the pattern or the color or the material itself he didn't know. She hadn't gotten that far.

"If you really aren't satisfied-"

"No," she said, settling back against his chest and resting the chin of her helmet against her hands, staring up at him. "I just... figured you were holding back. For my sake. I don't want that, Shepard."

He had learned that a long time ago. Tali didn't like being coddled. Cuddled, yes, but not coddled.

"I know. I'm not."

Her eyes danced beneath her helmet and he got the feeling she wasn't looking at him anymore. "It's... been a while since we've... you know."

"And?"

"You're..." Her voice was wavering slightly. She sounded worried now. "You're still interested in me. Right?"

Shepard prided himself on having plans in mind for most possible scenarios, be they professional or personal. But he had not anticipated this. This was bad, very bad, and it had to be corrected immediately. He fumbled briefly (and as always, internally) for the solution, and since he had always been better with actions than words...

He reached up with both hands and disengaged the seals on either side of her mask. He lifted it away with one hand and with the other directed her head up towards his and pulled her into a quick, suitably passionate kiss.

It was still utterly ludicrous to him how similar she was to a human. Same eyes, apart from the lack of pupils and the strange silvery hue they took on in low-light environments. Same nose, a little smaller, or maybe that was just her. The same mouth and lips. The same hair, long and dark and kept up when she was in her suit but loosely enough that stray strands found their way down her face. It had a very different texture than human hair, and was slightly iridescent like her eyes. Her skin was soft and a pale silver grey, and despite the strange curving black lines seemingly burned into her skin as they rose from the inside of her eyebrows to up into her scalp, entirely smooth. The only things that told him he wasn't kissing a human woman were the tingle in his mouth of dextro-amino based proteins, three fingered hands on the side of his face, and those digitigrade feet.

When they broke, he briefly met her eyes - honest and naive and hopeful and everything that he wasn't, hadn't been since he was seventeen years old and living on Mindoir - then he placed the visor back over her face and re-engaged the seals. They hissed slightly as the suit repressurized.

"Feel better?" He asked, putting on a smug smile for her benefit.

"Yes," she said, after a moment's consideration. "I do."

"I barely get enough sleep as it is, Tali." He wrapped his arms back around her shoulders. "The idea that I'm relaxed enough right now to doze in the middle of day shift is-"

"Intoxicating?" She purred, laying the side of her head against his chest again.

"Yeah," he said, stroking her back and wondering idly if she could even feel it. "I don't want it to stop."

"Then it won't." She took a deep breath and he felt her suit, tight like a second skin around her, grow and shrink in response. "If anyone deserves some peace, it's you."

Deserves had nothing to do with it. Shepard deserved nothing. He didn't deserve a peaceful nap. If anything, he deserved a bullet in the back of his head for some of the things he'd done. He certainly didn't deserve her.

But he wasn't about to give it up without a fight. Any of it. _Especially _her.

"Feels more like I'm stealing it," he murmured, eyes closing. He was, as usual, quietly startled at how honest he was with her.

"It's not stealing if it's a gift, Shepard."

He felt his breath hitch a little, something caught in his throat that he couldn't decide was a laugh or a sob. He knew she felt it too, but she said nothing. He added that to the list of why she was the finest woman he had ever known.

"Tali?"

"Mm?"

_I love you. Just say it. Say it and get it out, get it over with._

"Don't ever change."

_You fucking coward._

She hummed happily against his collarbone and it came out slightly distorted through her helmet. He felt himself slowly drift off into a febrile half-sleep.

Commander Shepard. Son and brother to the dead of Mindoir. Butcher of Torfan. Ruthless. Uncompromising.

And afraid of commitment. Of connection. Of having something that he could lose.

He took a deep breath of his own, felt her stir a little as his chest rose and fell. He would deal with this someday. Soon, he promised. But right now? He had all that he wanted.

Shepard was at peace. And he would hold tight to this moment until the galaxy pried it from his white-knuckled fingers, as it always did.


End file.
